Hallo syrk! Nice remake man :) One could say you showed a bit of the improvement you gained through time. I didn't pay any attention to the text because I don't like asmv style, but I focused on the clips and saw how the story was being told well through that part alone so good job! (although I must admit the ending went another way and that wasn't very cool)
I also want to point out that the footage you are using is not the best quality wise. It also has a watermark that looks ugly so... I recommend you download Guilty Crown from Leopard Raws. it'll have the issue of being 120fps (in some eps) but the quality will be much better than the one you're currently using.