Good stuff really! I like how I don't like SAO at all :| Lol but yea nvm that xD
I found the sequence @ 0:16 odd since the zooms are so powerful, and also lack shakes, better make the zoom smaller and power it up by shaking it. Also for the fact that you hit most of the beats but skipped some near the end so the flow and timing was oddly off. either hit them all or just follow a clear pattern to maintain the same sequence.
@ 0:30 where the action starts you show kirito rushing with his sword, and with the next beat you change his angle. Doing so is not the best thing since the pace now looks slower than it should be, you might have timed it well but its still the same scene, so you're basically leaving a scene for too long in the action chorus which would be more powerful if taken better care of.
I like how clean everything is. Beautiful really. Although the story progression had gaps. You tried to make the red fire person something like a vice-boss that they fight before the last one, but before it you had them locked in a tower, and you didn't show how they left it or even how exactly the fight with the red dude started, that is just an example. Its better to try and make sense with your scene choice.
Good luck and Good stuff :)